Twilight IMing
by Nekomimi 444
Summary: What the title says. I adopted this story from Raikou-Sama. Hope you like it. R & R. WARNING: This story is random. Raikou was aiming for this fanfic to get at least 100 reviews. I hope I can make that happen for her. Sorry I'm so slow on updating.
1. Vampire Kings

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I wish I did.**

**Okay, I know a lot of people have already done AIM with the Cullens, but I was bored and it sounded fun.**

**P.S. **_**Italic word is what is happening to the IMer, but they don't type it.**_

**Characters:**

**Vampires;**

Soulless one- Edward 

Lovely lady- Rosalie

Daring Em- Emmett

Psychic- Alice

Hardened soldier- Jasper

Loving mother- Esme

Family doctor- Carlisle

Torturous vamp- Jane

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

**Werewolves;**

Wolf boy- Jacob

Father wolf- Billy

Powerful one- Paul

Werewolf- Embry

Porcupine- Quil

Alpha- Sam

Wolf girl- Emily

Little wolf- Seth

**Swans;**

Vamp girl- Bella 

Chief police- Charlie

Regulars:

Newt-Mike

Gossip girl-Jessica

**Vamp Girl logged on**

**Soulless One logged on**

**Vamp Girl- Hello? Who's there?**

**Soulless One- It's me, Edward**

**Vamp Girl- Edward? Since when have you had IM? **

**Soulless One- My whole family has it, it's just that we didn't know you had it Alice just saw you IMing, so I thought I'd try to find you.**

**Vamp Girl- Oh….**

**Lovely Lady logged on**

**Daring Em logged on**

**Psychic logged on**

**Hardened Soldier logged on**

**Vamp Girl- Rosalie! Emmett! Alice! Jasper!**

**Psychic- Bella! **

**Daring Em- djfhreghreendv**

**Daring Em logged off**

**Vamp Girl- …. Excuse me?**

**Lovely Lady- Emmett is drunk he's been smelling beer all day**

**Vamp Girl- Okkaaayyyy… Oh! Hey, have you guys heard the new band called Vampire Kings?**

**Hardened Soldier- Yeah, they're awesome. I have all their CDs**

**Family Doctor logged on**

**Loving Mother logged on**

**Ecstatic Emperor logged on**

**Silent One logged on**

**Bored One logged on**

**Torturous Vamp logged on**

**Family Doctor- Hey kids!**

**Loving mother- Hi!**

**Soulless One- Hello, who is Ecstatic emperor, Silent one, Bored one, and Torturous vamp?**

**Estatic Emporer- It's me Aro! Silent one and Bored one are Marcus and Caius.**

**Tortoruos Vamp- Jane here**

**Family Doctor logged off**

**Loving Mother logged off **

**Estatic Emperor- Hey, why are you leaving?**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Estatic Emperor- Uh... Well, so you like the Vampire Kings?**

**Vamp Girl- yeah... They rock. (Cullens, i'm scared, since when has the Volturi had IM?)**

**Tortoruos Vamp- Hey!! I can red that you know, just you wait Isabella Swan i will get you! Muhhahahaha!**

**Tortoruos Vamp logged off**

**Estatic Emperor-Anyways... The Vampire Kings are actually me and my brothers! It's awesome, right Caius, Marcus?**

**Silent One-...**

**Bored One- sure...**

**Soulless One- Okay, thats really wierd...**

**Soulless One logged off**

**Vamp Girl- I'm with Edward**

**Vamp Girl logged off**

**Lovely Lady logged off**

**Hardened Soldier logged off**

**Silent one logged off**

**Bored One logged off **

**Estatic Emperor- hey, its not wierd, we rock... Marcus, Caius...**

**Psychic- You guys rock! I- **_**hey! stop ow!, they do rock! Jasper i'm IMing the Vampire Kings! Let go!**_

**Psychic logged off**


	2. Wolves Vs Vamps

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do not own any of the characters. I own nothing.**

**Characters:**

**Vampires;**

Soulless one- Edward 

Lovely lady- Rosalie

Daring Em- Emmett

Psychic- Alice

Hardened soldier- Jasper

Loving mother- Esme

Family doctor- Carlisle

Torturous vamp- Jane

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

**Werewolves;**

Wolf boy- Jacob

Powerful one- Paul

Werewolf- Embry

Porcupine- Quil

Alpha- Sam

**Swans;**

Vamp girl- Bella 

**Vamp Girl logged on**

**Wolf Boy logged on**

Vamp Girl- Hey Jake!

Wolf boy- Bella!

**Soulless One logged on**

**Alpha logged on**

Soulless One- Hello, love. _Hello Mutts_.

Alpha- Who are you to call us mutts, _leech?_

Soulless One- I am not a leech. I am a vampire.

Wolf Boy- -snort- Same thing!

Alpha- Good one!

Soulless One- -Glowers-

Vamp Girl- Now, now boys no arguing

All- Yes, Bella!

Vamp Girl- Good. Now I need to finish my homework, want to help, Edward?

Soulless One- I will be there in two minutes, love

**Vamp Girl logged off**

**Soulless one logged off**

**Daring Em logged on**

Daring Em- Yo, what's up my dogs?

Wolf Boy- I'm not _your_ dog.

Daring Em- Ah, mutt. Where's Edward I thought he'd be here.

Wolf boy- He left to go help Bella with home work –scowls-

**Wolf boy logged off**

Daring Em- What's his problem?

Alpha- He's mad that Bella is hanging out with a leech.

**Alpha logged off**

Daring Em- Hey! Why did every one leave?

Daring Em- Hello?

Daring Em- Darn!

**Daring Em logged off**

**O.K. I know this was boring, but I'm drawing a blank. If anyone has ideas send them to me and I'll recognize you.**

**Thanx**


	3. Emmett

**Disclaimer:** **The same applies, as always.**

**Characters:**

**Vampires;**

Daring Em- Emmett

**Werewolves;**

Wolf boy- Jacob

Powerful one- Paul

Werewolf- Embry

Porcupine- Quil

Red Wolf- Jared

Alpha- Sam

Wolf girl- Emily

Feisty Female- Leah 

**Wolf boy secretly logs on**

**Powerful one secretly logs on**

**Werewolf secretly logs on**

**Porcupine secretly logs on**

**Red Wolf secretly logs on**

**Feisty female secretly logs on**

**Alpha logs on**

**Wolf girl logs on**

**Alpha- Hello Emily love**

**Wolf girl- Hi Sam Sweetie**

**Alpha- I love you so much!**

**Wolf girl- I love you more, I'd do any thing for you!**

**Alpha- -Kiss- **

**Wolf girl- -make out-**

**Alpha- I love you more than anything!**

**Wolf girl- I love you more than life!**

**Alpha- I love you more than the pack!**

**Powerful one- What!? How dare you! Its bad enough that you are making goggle eyes at Emily, but now you say you love her more than you do us?**

**Feisty female- I know! You should be saying those things to me! Not my cousin!**

**Feisty female logs off out of hate and jealousy**

**Alpha- H- How did you guys get here??**

**Wolf boy- We logged on secretly**

**Daring Em logs on**

**Daring Em- Ewww! **

**Porcupine- What's you problem leech?**

**Werewolf- Yeah! What's your problem blood- sucker?**

**Daring Em- I read the stuff above. It's really gross, I mean a mutt announcing his love? Yuck!**

**Red wolf- No one asked your opinion, parasite!**

**Wolf boy- Okay, not to change the subject, but Jared why is your chat name Red wolf?**

**Red Wolf- You know JaRED. Red is part of my name... And since I'm a wolf…**

**Wolf boy- Oh… Anyways … LEECH, It's none of your business how we protectors express our love!**

**Wolf Girl has logged off because of extreme embarrassment**

**Alpha has logged off to comfort loved fiancé**

**Powerful one- Now look what you did! You are so going to regret that!**

**Daring Em- Oh yeah punk? Why don't we settle this once and for all?**

**Powerful one- You're on! I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp!**

**Powerful one has logged off to go and kill a leech**

**Daring Em has logged off to gain a wolf skin for a coat**

**Wolf boy has logged off to cheer on Paul**

**Werewolf has logged off to make a bet**

**Porcupine has logged off to incinerate a parasite**

**Red wolf has logged off to win twenty bucks in a bet**

**So do you like it? ArtisticSpirit gave me the idea. I loved it. Please review and give more ideas.**

**Thanks again ArtisticSpirit your idea was brilliant!**


	4. Abbreviations

**ATTENTION!! **Hey every one. I am so sorry about not writing for a while. I just moved to CO so I had to register with the school, which was a real drag, Anyways, I might not be able to write for a while because of thebut I got all the classes I wanted! whole school factor. So enjoy my stories! P.S. This if for all the Volturi lovers!_ ALL HAIL THE VOLTURI! LONG LIVE ARO, MARCUS, AND CAIUS!!_

**Characters:**

**Vampires;**

Torturous vamp- Jane

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

**Werewolves;**

Wolf boy- Jacob

Powerful one- Paul

Werewolf- Embry

Porcupine- Quil

Alpha- Sam

Wolf girl- Emily

Little wolf- Seth

**Wolf boy has logged on**

**Werewolf has logged on**

**Porcupine has logged on**

**Ecstatic emperor has logged on**

**Silent one has logged on**

**Bored one has logged on**

**Wolf boy- Oh, joy. The kings of leeched are here.**

**Porcupine- Disgusting blood- suckers!**

**Werewolf- Yuck.**

**Ecstatic emperor- U r just az dizguztin, dgz.**

**Wolf boy-…. Excuse me?**

**Bored one- yeh, u r flea ridun mutz zat shuld hav zier tailz between zier legz.**

**Silent one-…………. LOL!**

**Porcupine- What the hell are you talking about?! And what is LOL?**

Ecstatic emperor- look M and C, zay cant evun reed zuh lango! How rediculuz! Letz lol at them!

All Vampires- Ha ha ha!

Werewolf- Guys, I think they're making fun of us…. I belive lol means Lots of Losers.

Bored one- It means laugh out loud you morons!

Wolf boy-…oh…

Silent one-……. Az much fun az it iz I hav to go. TTYL. C U L8TR Alligators!

**Silent one has logged off to feed**

Were wolf- You know what? I'm done listening to these leeches type nonsense I'm leaving

**Werewolf has logged off in disgust**

**Porcupine- Me too**

**Porcupine has logged off**

**Wolf boy has logged off**

**Bored one has logged off**

**Ecstatic Emperor- Hello? Any 1 there? Guyz? Oh, well. BRB L8TR!**

**Ecstatic Emperor has logged off due to loneliness**

**Hope u liked it! Thank you bellaandedwardforever02! You seriously rock! R&R please!**


	5. Lust

**Characters:**

**Vampires;**

Soulless one- Edward 

Lovely lady- Rosalie

Daring Em- Emmett

Psychic- Alice

Hardened soldier- Jasper

Loving mother- Esme

Family doctor- Carlisle

Torturous vamp- Jane

Immobilizing vamp- Alec 

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

**Werewolves;**

Wolf boy- Jacob

Powerful one- Paul

Werewolf- Embry

Porcupine- Quil

Alpha- Sam

**Swans;**

Vamp girl- Bella 

Tracker logs on

Bloody one logs on

Tracker- Hello Felix, did you enjoy today's meal

Bloody one- It was wonderful, one female especially was delicious, but I wish I could eat that Swan girl

Tracker- I know… life is so unfair

Vamp girl logs on

Vamp girl- …….. You want to eat me?

Tracker- Oopps!

Bloody one- bye!

Tracker logs off

Bloody one logs off

Vamp girl logs off in fright

Hardened Soldier logs on

Soulless one logs on

Lovely lady logs on

Daring Em logs on

Psychic logs on

Psychic- Hello everyone!

Soulless one- Hello Alice

Lovely lady- Emmett, there you are! You promised me we would do it

Daring Em- Oopps! Be right there Rose!

Lovely Lady logs off

Daring Em logs off

Psychic-…….

Hardened Soldier- …….too much lust…… must get away…..

Hardened Soldier logs off

Psychic logs off in disgust to go comfort beloved

Soulless one- Hey, doesn't leave me alone! I'm the one that reads minds! I got it the worst.

Soulless one logs off

Sorry it's a bit lame, but I'm out of ideas. Send me some and I'll type!

P.S. I changed my name, sorry.


	6. Bloody Fight

Disclaimer- I own nothing

Vamp girl has logged on

Psychic has logged on

Soulless one has logged on

Hardened Soldier has logged on

Daring Em has logged on

Lovely lady has logged on

Soulless one- Hello, love

Vamp girl- Hi Edward

Daring Em- Hey Bella –grins-

Vamp girl- ….. Why are you grinning?

Daring Em- because I felt like it!

Vamp girl-…..

Lovely lady- Emmett, stop being so idiotic

Daring Em- meekly Yes, Rose

Psychic- Hi every one!

Hardened Soldier- Hey

Tracker logs on

Bloody one logs on

Tracker- Hey Cullens, hey Bella

Bloody one- hey Bella

Soulless one- HEY! I can't believe the nerve of you two, how **dare** you!

Vamp girl- Edward, whets wrong?

Soulless one- -growls menacingly- they're thinking of your blood and its taste

Vamp girl-…………..

Vamp girl has logged off and fainted

Daring Em- Alright! Let's go beat up Dmitri!

Psychic- okay!

Hardened soldier- …..Let's go.

Everyone has logged off to beat up Dmitri and Felix

Far away in Italy. "Yeow!! Felix, get over here and help me!" "You help me!" "Ouch!"

Thanks a lot Apollo3663 and edwardobsest247 I hope you don't mind that I mixed your guyzes ideas. I know its not that good, but the ideas were. Thanks! R&R


	7. Hardened Soldier

**Wolf boy logged on**

**Porcupine logged on**

**Werewolf logged on**

**Wolf boy- hey guys!**

**Porcupine- Yo, Jake. What's crakin' lackin'?**

**Wolf boy- NM (not much). What about you Embry?**

**Werewolf- same. Not much**

**Hardened Soldier logged on in search of other vamps**

**Hardened Soldier- …. Great, only mutts here**

**Wolf boy-……LOL!!**

**Werewolf- Jake… are you ok?**

**Wolf boy- whispers to Embry and Quil**

**Porcupine-…. Hahahahahahhahaahhahahahahhahahahahh!!**

**Werewolf- WHOOT!!**

**Hardened Soldier- Uh… I'm completely wiereded out. What's wrong with you guys?**

**Wolf boy- What's wrong with you?!**

**Hardened Soldier- I don't know what you are talking about**

**Porcupine- You know, your name!**

**Werewolf- That's just dirty!**

**Hardened Soldier- I still don't get it**

**Wolf boy- You know, **_**Hardened **_**Soldier**

**Hardened Soldier- … Still don't get it, yes, I have been through a lot, that's why I chose the name**

**Porcupine- You know, **_**Hardened **_

**Hardened Soldier- I still don't get it….**

**Werewolf- Man, you are soooo clueless! Hardened, as in erection!**

**Hardened Soldier - …..**

**Hardened Soldier has logged off in embarrassment**

**-The next day-**

**Bloody Soldier has logged in**

**Daring Em has logged on**

**Daring Em- Hey Jasper! Why did you change your screen name? **

**Bloody Soldier- … It's a long story…**

**Bloody Soldier has logged off to avoid more questions about new screen name**

**Daring Em- Well… that was weird, I wonder what his problem is. What was wrong with Hardened soldier? …Oh! teehee I'm going to soooo tease him about this later. **_**Hardened... **_**lol!**

Thanxs Katie m Cullen! I know you weren't really suggesting this (I hope you don't mind that I used it), but I found it hilarious and also LOLed! Thanxs again, R&R guys. Leave ideas too, please.


	8. Seth's Jokes

**Characters:**

**Vampires;**

Soulless one- Edward 

Lovely lady- Rosalie

Daring Em- Emmett

Psychic- Alice

Bloody soldier- Jasper

Loving mother- Esme

Family doctor- Carlisle

Torturous vamp- Jane

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

**Swans;**

Vamp girl- Bella 

Chief police- Charlie

**Little wolf has logged on**

**Soulless one has logged on**

**Soulless one- Hey, Seth!**

**Little wolf- Edward! Oh! I have a joke for you!**

**Soulless one- Really? Okay, what is it?**

**Little wolf- Okay, Knock, knock!**

**Souless one- Who's there?**

**Little wolf- Arthur!**

**Soulless one- Arthur who?**

**Little wolf- Arthur any more home like you?! Hahahahahah!**

**Soulless one-….**

**Soulless one has logged out**

**Little wolf- Edward…**

**Lovely lady has logged on**

**Lovely lady- oh… hey seth**

**Little wolf- oh! Knock knock**

**Lovely lady- uh… Who's there?**

**Little wolf- Jimmy!**

**Lovely lady- -sigh- Jimmy who?**

**Little wolf- Jimmy a kiss, will ya, huh?**

**Loveley lady has logged out to avoid a certain idiot**

**Psychic- hi**

**Little wolf- Alice!**

**Psychic- no**

**Little wolf- what?**

**Psychic- I don't want to her the joke about Harold**

**Little wolf- aww… **

**Psychic has logged off**

**Bloody Soldier has logged on**

**Little wolf- knock knock!**

**Bloody Soldier-… um… who's there?**

**Little wolf- Hymen!**

**Bloody soldier- Hymen who?**

**Little wolf- Hymen the mood for pizza!**

**Bloody soldier has logged of because of sudden coma**

**Loving mother has logged on- Hello Seth!**

**Little wolf- Hey Esme! I got a joke for you! Knock knock!**

**Loving mother- Who's there?**

**Little wolf- Boo!**

**Loving mother-… sigh Boo who?**

**Little wolf- Now, now don't cry! LOL!**

**Loving mother- um… haha?... um, I have to go…**

**Loving mother has logged off**

**Family doctor has logged on**

**Family doctor- hello, seth, have you seen Esme?**

**Little wolf- she just left, but I have a joke for you. Knock, knock!**

**Family doctor- Who's there?**

**Little wolf- Dishes!**

**Family doctor- Dishes who?**

**Little wolf- Dishes the FBI. Open up!**

**Family doctor- oh,… very funny, I have to go find Esme…**

**Family Doctor has logged off**

**Torturous vamp has logged on**

**Little wolf- Knock knock!**

**Torturous vamp- Urgh, fine, who is it?**

**Little wolf- accordion**

**Torturous vamp- accordion who?**

**Little wolf- accordion to the weatherman its going to rain tomorrow!**

**Tortuous vamp- … idiot…**

**Tortuous vamp has logged off**

**Silent one has logged on**

**Bored one has logged on**

**Little wolf- knock knock!**

**Silent one has logged off**

**Bored one has logged off**

**Little wolf- that was mean…**

**Ecstatic Emperor has loggd on**

**Little wolf- Aro, I got a knock knock joke for you!**

**Ecstatic Emperor- Really?! I love knock knock jokes!**

**Little wolf- knock, knock!**

**Ecstatic Emperor- Who's there?**

**Little wolf- Abie**

**Ecstatic Emperor- Abie who?**

**Little wolf- Abie…C,d,e,f,g,h,I,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,w, and z!**

**Ecstatic Emperor-… HAAHAHAHAHAHHAAH! That is a good one! HAHAHAHA!**

**Daring em has loggd on**

**Daring Em- um.., whats up Aro?**

**Ecstatic Emperor- Seth tell the funniest jokes! Really? Lets hear one!**

**Little wolf- knock, knock**

**Daring EM- Who's there?**

**Little wolf- Abyssinia **

**Daring em- Abyssinia who?**

**Little wholf- Abyssinia soon!**

**Daring Em- HAHAHHAAHAH!**

**Ecstatic Emperor- HEHEHEHHEHE!**

**Daring Em- HAHA!**

**Ecstatic Emperor- HEHE!**

**Little wolf- um.. guys?**

**Ecstatic Emperor- Lol! Hahahha!**

**Daring em- double lol! HEHEHE!**

**Little wolf- …**

Little wolf has logged off

Thanx Little Miss Dragmire, I hope you like the chapter. R&R people! (Send me ideas too.)


	9. Smiley face Challenge

Oh My Carlisle! I am so sorry, can you ever forgive me my faithful readers? *sobs* 

My computer went wacky and broke down and the lab top I'm using right now doesn't do Microsoft Word Office and…. I'm so sorry! Anyways please forgive me! Here's the next chapter…..

Disclaimer- I don't own twilight, if I did Emmett would be the star… 

Okay, human vamp is Reenesmee, or however you spell it, Bella's daughter

Daring Em has logged on

Lovely Lady has logged on

Wolf Boy has logged on

HumanVamp is logged on

Lovely Lady- Oh, hello Nessie!

Daring Em- Yo Nessie

Wolf Boy-Oh, I didn't know you would be here blonde bimbo

lovely lady- do you want me to put a muzzle on you mutt? Shut it

HumanVamp- Hello Auntie Rose, Uncle Em

Lovely Lady- Hello Nessie!

Daring Em- Hey

Wolf Boy-What do you want?

Lovely Lady- We have as much as right to be here as you mutt, _so be quiet_

Ecstatic Emperor has logged in

Ecstatic Emperor- Oh, hello Cullens, Black.

Wolf Boy-… okaaayyyy, I'm creeped why does Aro have IM?

Daring Em- I know, just ignore him…. He's a pervert and uses his IM to get young girls

Wolf boy-……… um, bad thoughts, urgh… 

Lovely Lady- I'm outta here, I cant take any more stupidity

Lovely Lady has logged off

Daring Em- I should go… bye mutt, bye pervert -.-

Daring Em has logged of 

Wolf boy- hey, Aro. I bet I can make the best smiley face!

Ecstatic Emperor= you are so on!

(I'm switching to initials for this one part, sorry)

WB- -.-

EE- ~.~

WB-J

EE- ;-)

WB- :-P

EE-:-D

WB- '/.\'

EE- =O

WB- :-$

EE-'.'

WB- :-}

WB- xD

EE- noooo! I give in, not the all mighty xD!!!!!!! Ahhhhhh!

EE has logged out

WB- Booyah! 

Wolf Boy has logged out

Please don't hate me!!!!!!!!! Ahhh!!!! I know this chapter is a bit pointless, but I just started writing after what, a couple of months? don't give up on me just yet. R&R send ideas!

P.S. it may creep you out, but I' going to start a Naruto fanfic


	10. Cheesy Pick Up Lines

**Characters:**

**Vampires;**

Soulless one- Edward 

Lovely lady- Rosalie

Daring Em- Emmett

Psychic- Alice

Hardened soldier- Jasper

Loving mother- Esme

Family doctor- Carlisle

Torturous vamp- Jane

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius (sp?)

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

**Werewolves;**

Wolf boy- Jacob

Father wolf- Billy

Powerful one- Paul

Werewolf- Embry

Porcupine- Quil

Alpha- Sam

Wolf girl- Emily

Little wolf- Seth

**Swans;**

Vamp girl- Bella 

Chief police- Charlie

Regulars:

Newt-Mike

Gossip girl-Jessica

**Daring Em has logged on**

**Bloody Soldier has logged on**

**Daring Em- Hey Jasper!**

**Bloody Soldier- Hello Emmett**

**Daring Em- Soo, how are you?**

**Bloody Soldier-… Are you okay?**

**Daring Em- Well… I need your… help…**

**Bloody Soldier- help?**

**Daring Em- yea. Umm… well, you see, umm…**

**Bloody Soldier- Spit it out already!**

**Daring Em-… oh, well, umm, you see I, uh, need to learn some good… you know…**

**Bloody Soldier- no. I'm not giving you sex tips.**

**Daring Em- No! not that! You see, Rose is angry at me, and I need some… pick up lines. I thought if I sweetened her up she'd forgive me…**

**Bloody Soldier-.. Oh…alright..**

**Daring Em- REALLY?! You're the best!**

**Bloody Soldier- Here's one, "Did it hurt?" Than, when she asks "Did what hurt?" you reply, "When you fell from heaven!"**

**Daring Em-… wow… that's good stuff!**

**Bloody Soldier- Here's another, "Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?" or give her 11 roses, and 1 plastic one and tell her, "I will love you when all these roses die."**

**Daring Em- your so good at this!**

**Bloody soldier- here's the last ones I know, "Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes!" or "Are you lost ma'am, because heaven is a long way from here." and "I must be a snow flake, because I'm sure falling for you!"**

**Daring Em-.. Okay, thanx. Wish my luck**

**Daring Em has logged off to go woo his lady**

**Bloody Soldier has logged off to see his 'brother' fail miserably because of his cheesy pick up lines he gave him.**

*********

_Emmett nervously approached his mate. "Uh, Rose?"_

"_What do you want?" Rosalie snapped. _

"_Umm… Here." Emmett held out a bouquet of roses. "They're no match to your beauty, _

_but I want you to know I will love you until they all die."_

"…_One's plastic…"_

"_Exactly!"_

_Rosalie gave Emmett a long stare and then crushed them all, including the plastic one._

"…" _Rose glared._

"…" _Emmett gulped nervously. "D- Did it hurt?"_

"_Did what hurt?" Rose barked._

"_Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" _

"… _What in the world is your problem, Emmett?!"_

"… _uh, nothing.."_

"_Humph" _

"_Rose, you know Christmas is coming up, right? Well, I need to have one of your pictures so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas."_

"… _Emmett, are you high?!" There was an odd tone in her voice_

"_Well, do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes!" Rose just stared in disbelief. "How about, are you lost ma'am, because heaven is a long way from here, or I must be a snow flake, because I'm sure falling for you!"_

"_Emmett what are you doing?"_

"_I'm trying to make you not angry with me…"_

_Rose's features softened. "Oh, Emmett you're so sweet. Of course I forgive you… Though, you might want to work on your pick-up lines…"_

_*****_

_Jasper just stood there in disbelief. The lines had worked? Amazing… _

_Suddenly Jasper had an idea. "Alice, love, did it hurt?"_

"_Did what hurt?" An angry Alice snapped. She was not happy that Jasper wouldn't play dress- up._

"_Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" _

_The next thing he knew, he was being flung out of the window._

**Lol! R&R! I hope you like it. This was three pages! Actually, foutr if you count this part. Anyways, give me your opinon. Remember, I need a Beta! Oh, but I love these pick-up lines, they might be cheesy, but they are sweet. I'd love to have a guy say these to me! J Hope you liked it! Love you guys allot! Hugz and kizzez!**


	11. Hah! I win!

**Vampires;**

Mind Reader- Edward 

Lovely lady- Rosalie

Daring Em- Emmett

Psychic- Alice

Bloody soldier- Jasper

Loving mother- Esme

Family doctor- Carlisle

Torturous vamp- Jane

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

Proud Wife&Mother- Bella

Human Vamp- Reenesmee

Soulless One has logged on

Tracker has logged on

Soulless One- *says icily* Hello, Dmitri

Tracker- *Says sneeringly* Cullen

Soulless one- *smirks* So, Bella is a vampire now. You can't eat her! *says triumphantly

Tracker- stop with all the *ness. Its really pointless and stupid, just like you! (Burn! 3rd degree!)

Soulless one- I'm stupid? Look who's talking!

Tracker- We're typing, not talking, smart one!

Soulless One-…

Tracker- And, "Soulless One"? That's so stupid.

Soulless one has logged off to change screen name

Mind Reader has logged back in

Tracker-…Fine.

Mind Reader- hah! Admit it this screen name is better!

Tracker-…

Mind Reader- *smirk Well, at least it's better than "Tracker" That's so lame!

Tracker has logged off to go cry in a corner

Mind Reader- Victory!

Mind Reader has logged off

**Okay, sorry its so short, only a page, but I just posted ch. 13 and am posting 14 right after this. Seroisly, I'm on a roll . R&R!**


	12. Ice Cream

**Vampires;**

Mind Reader- Edward 

Lovely lady- Rosalie

Daring Em- Emmett

Psychic- Alice

Bloody soldier- Jasper

Loving mother- Esme

Family doctor- Carlisle

Torturous vamp- Jane

Ecstatic emperor- Aro

Silent one- Marcus

Bored one- Caius

Tracker- Dmitri

Bloody one- Felix

New Vamp- Bella

Human Vamp- Reenesmee

Psychic has logged in

Daring Em has logged in

New Vamp

New Vamp- Admit it Emmett! I won the arm wrestling matches, and I won this bet too!

Daring Em- Did not, you cheated!

New Vamp- How did I cheat?

Daring Em- I don't know… But you did! You must have put flavoring or something in it, there's no way you could have ate that without cheating! It tasted like crap!

Psychic-……….Um, I just had a really weird vision a couple of minutes ago, what was the bet about?

New Vamp- Oh, hi Alice!

Daring Em- *pouts Whoever could eat the most ice cream… It tasted nasty

New Vamp- Wasn't that bad. It was Double chocolate chunk fudge ice cream.

Daring Em- Yeah, and it looked and tasted like crap. I don't see how you could have eaten a thousand and ninety six buckets of it, Bella.

New Vamp- *smirks I'm gifted.

Daring Em- Geez, what a gift. Able to stuff yourself with tons of ice cream…

New Vamp- You're just jealous. I'm better than you!

Daring Em- When I want to be able to stuff more of that chocolate crap down my throat, I'll let you know

New Vamp- xD

Psychic- Ookkkaaaayyyyy, I'm extremely scarred for life…

Psychic has logged off

New Vamp- look what you've done now!

New Vamp has logged off

Daring Em -Oh, whatever. (| |) Hehe, bunny!

(Oo)

()

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**Lol! Hope you liked it. **. (| |) **Hehe, bunny! *sigh Now I want Double chocolate chunk fudge ice crem. **(Oo)

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	13. Nick Names

OMC! I am on a ROLL! This is like, my fourth chapter in a row. And I'm writing them up like crazy. They may be a bit stupid, but bare with me. 

Disclaimer- L I do not own any thing. Except Double Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream. Yum!

Bloody Soldier- You're supposed to be blood thirsty!

New Vamp- So sue me!

Bloody Soldier- You're a vampire, go kill someone!

BOB logged in

New Vamp- Yes, I'm a vampire, fine I'll go suck Edward's blood. Bet it tasted good. JBOB- AHHHHH!!!!!!!

Bloody Soldier- Now look what you did! 

New Vamp- It's not like they knew who we are. Hello, screen names!

Bloody Soldier- Well- Fine!

Bloody Soldier has logged off

New Vamp- Geez… What's his problem?!

Mind reader- Hello, love

New Vamp- *giggles Hi Edwardo! 

Mind reader-uh… Anyways………Edwardo?

New Vamp-*LOLs Well, how about Eddy?

Mind reader- …

New Vamp- Eddy- poo?

Mind reader- no

New Vamp- Ed?

Mind reader- uh…

New Vamp- Edgar?

Mind reader- WTF?!?!?

New Vamp- umm.. Eddo?

Mind reader- Bella, love, can I ask you something

New Vamp- Of course!

Mind reader- WTF ARE U DOING?!?!?!

New Vamp- *pouts, Well, Edward is so plain!

Mind reader- It's my name…

New Vamp- I know, but you need a nick name. my real name is Isabella.

Mind Reader-…

New Vamp- *Pouts Pweetty Pwease?

Mind reader-…Fine…

New Vamp- Yay! Than its official! Your new nickname is Eddy-O!

Mind reader- *sweat drops Eddy-O?

New Vamp- Yep. XD

New Vamp logged off

Mind reader-…………………………….............Eddy-O?

Mind reader has logged off due to shock and horror

**Lol! Do you like? I did this for a friend of mine, who is always calling Edward stuff like Edwardo and etc. Anyways *pouts* Review pweetty pwease!**


	14. Shopping

Vamp girl has logged on

Psychic has logged on

Vamp girl- Okay, what do you want Alice?

Psychic- Bella, I'm hurt, why do you instantly suspect I want something?

Vamp girl- Because you do. I can tell. What is it?

Psychic-…… well, I was wondering……

Vamp girl- What?

Psychic- Shoppi-

Vamp girl- NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Psychic- Geez, you didn't have to interrupt me like that!

Vamp girl- No

Psychic- Please? Pretty please with blood on top?

Vamp girl…… 1) ewww... 2) no…

Psychic- your no fun at all!

Vamp girl- Boo hoo for you!

Psychic- That's it, we are going shopping

Vamp girl- N

At Bella's house "Ouch! Alice quit it!" "Shopping!!" "Noooooo!! Edward help me!!"

Thanx XxsamiixX!! You rock! Hope u liked it! R&R!


	15. blonde vs werewolf

**Hey, okay, this is my first chapter for Twilight Iming. Enjoy! R & R. Oh, and no offense to blondes, my best friend is a blonde, and they're not usually stupid.**

**Characters;**

**Lovely lady- Rosalie Cullen**

**Wolf boy- Jacob Black**

Lovelylady has signed on

Wolfboy has signed on

Lovelylady- oh, its only the mutt

Wolfboy- well, if it isn't the blonde leech

Lovelylady- well, as long as you're here, I might as well make the most of it

Wolfboy- what is that supposed to mean?

Lovelylady- Why was the werewolf arrested in the butchers shop? He was chop-lifting.

Wolfboy- oh, hahaha, very funny

Wolfboy- What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? The blonde works in the dark!

Lovelylady- Oooh, I almost died laughing

Lovelylady- What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine? It became a wash and werewolf.

Wolfboy- Where did you get that one? Off the internet?

Lovelylady- ha, you wish.

Wolfboy- What do Blondes say after sex?  
A1: Thanks Guys.  
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?  
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Lovelylady- that's it, you're dead

Lovelylady- What do you get if you cross a hairdresser with a werewolf? A monster with an all-over perm.

Wolfboy- lame

Wolfboy- Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.

Lovelylady- oh, like I haven't heard that one before

Wolfboy- 

Lovelylady- What happened when the werewolf chewed a bone for an hour? When he got up he only had three legs.

Wolfboy- oh, that's just hilarious *sarcasm drips from voice

Wolfboy- Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Lovelylady- hahaha

Lovelylady- What do you call a werewolf with no legs? Anything you like - he can't chase you.

Wolfboy- Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said From 2-4 years

Lovelylady- bring it

Wolfboy- oh, its brung

Lovelylady- What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock? He got ticks

Wolfboy- How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. why does it work?

Lovelylady- How do you stop a werewolf attacking you? Throw a stick and shout fetch!

Wolfboy- I hate you. What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? About 2 cans of hair spray

Lovelylady- Oh, now you've done it. This can go on all night, you know.

Lovelylady- What's fearsome, hairy and drinks from the wrong side of a glass? A werewolf with hiccoughs.

_The battle of insulting jokes continued into the night, until their family finally dragged them away from the computers._

**Hope you liked it. I'm sorry about all the insults to blondes.**

**Thanks to **supertwilightobbsessor **your ideas were fantastic. PLEASE R&R. your reviews are the only things motivating me to update…..**

**xXStrykerXx**


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